Manic Monday: Zoom a Zoom Zoom...

Have you ever been to a NASCAR race or any kind of speedway? If you haven't, imagine a bunch of cars going at speeds only professionals can safely maneuver...imagine the sounds they generate as they whip around the track....

Loud... Roaring... Rumbling.... Constant... Far then near, near then far.... Obnoxious...

And every now and then, a driver miscalculates, something in the car's engine or gas tank misfires, and there's a crash...an explosion...

Now imagine all of that-the speedway, the cars going at top speed,the sounds, the vibrations, the crashes & explosions-imagine all of that compressed and confined into, oh let's say the Lincoln Tunnel (or any tunnel for that matter), and then imagine that tunnel with everything I just mentioned, compressed and confined in your own mind.

Congratulations you now have an inkling of what it's like to experience racing thoughts.

To even label the mental chaos that coincides with a hypomanic or manic episode as "racing" seems to be a gross understatement at times. Sometimes it's not too bad, focusing on one task, concentrating, and clarity of thought are capable...doable.

Others it's terrifying...the lack of control over their frantic pace unnerving...the incessant spinning and looping nauseating...

It's like being permanently stuck on the spin cycle-only instead of your clothes it's your mind and you have no idea when it will stop.

Do I hear voices? No. But that doesn't mean my thoughts aren't loud, rambunctious chatterboxes who fly from one idea to the next in the time it takes one to blink.

On the outside I look quite fine...quiet, demure, composed...smiling & laughing, even...

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But it's during these episodes when I feel the most unraveled, the most undone. Living life during these moments is hard only because it's hard to grasp a thought as it flies past...

But I do...because I know it's temporary. Feels like an eternity, but I know relief is on the way...

I just need my pills to get here.

Has anyone seen the mailman?