One of the writing communities I'm a part of holds weekly write-ins via video conference. While I've been a member of this community since early last year, tonight was my first time participating in one as it was happening. By the time I joined the conference, everyone was reading their responses to the first prompt "When do you feel heard?", and blowing. my. mind. like. WHOA.
We were given 30 minutes for our 2nd prompt and here's what I finally word vomited after wanting to throw my paper, pen, and laptop out my back door.
Prompt: "Show Me Your Brave"
I hold them in the palm of my hand never knowing if they'll be enough to keep me through the next 24 hours. I stare at them intently, as if my gaze alone can make it so that they do. I tilt my head back, close my eyes, and pause as this unknowing whispers my own doubts back to me, louder than the why I must in spite of. It's in this nanosecond of a moment that fear always roars its loudest, reminding me of what exists within, and its capacity for destruction. I feel the darkness, I smell the fire, I hear the frantic call of madness, the hollow wail of despair and I wonder if 150mg is enough for 24 more hours. My hands shake as I swallow each one and bring the cup to my lips to further assist them on their way down.
It's the only way to find out.
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