"Is there anything else you can suggest I do to find out what goes in my Box? I mean, how will I really know it belongs there? How will I know it's really....ME?"
"Well, I really think the best thing you can do is to just really start to pay attention to yourself when you're in a situation. What kinds of things catch your eye in the store, or when you're surfing the net? What do you find yourself reading? What lifts you out of a low mood? What kinds of things stabilize you? When you encounter such things or are in certain situations, try to take a step back and pay attention to how you feel. Try to notice the kind of physical and emotional response you're having to what stimulates and depresses you...notice even, where you feel these particular emotions. Are they in your heart? In your stomach? Yea...I think you just have to start really paying attention. Your body will tell you, you just have to listen."
That's a snippet of the conversation I had with my VA therapist on Tuesday. Since my focus the past month or so has been on finding out what goes in my Box of All Things A'Driane, I took her response to heart and really tried to focus this week on doing just what she said: pay attention & listen.
Between Tuesday afternoon and Tuesday I learned that......
- While I want to be a counselor/therapist and help people one on one, advocating for groups of people, learning about people & their experiences, and helping certain populations of people is a passion of mine. The population I want to advocate for the most? Women-women who are mothers, women veterans, women who have been abused, and women who live & struggle with mental illness. I fit into every one of those categories, so it only makes sense that I would feel impassioned to help those in these areas, right?
- I have a heart for abuse victims and their rights. The PSU controversy this week left me in a stew of emotions, mostly anger and a yearning to take action in some way so their rights and their voice could be heard. Again, considering my experience with sexual abuse & molestation, it makes perfect sense.
- I'm not a one dimensional person and have to be around people who are as diverse as I am.
- I'm a creative person, so that means I'm an expressive person. I like to express myself through my hair (hence the fro and wild colors) and through what I wear. I like wearing clothing that speaks to who I am and my personality. I recognized this when I first colored my hair a few weeks ago, but also this evening when I saw this shirt and my heart nearly exploded in joy:
- Watching my sons be just who they are, expressing who they are gives me a warm and fuzzy in my heart and a nod of agreement in my gut that I'm doing the right thing as a parent. I wasn't allowed to talk much less be myself growing up, so to recognize that allowing my kids to do something I wasn't helped me see what kind of parent I am and want to strive to be.