Confession: I was supposed to write this post yesterday, but I got caught up in
- Wrapping gifts I didn't buy until Thursday
- making HOMEMADE PopTarts for the-boys-who-won't-eat-anything.
- Wiping yards of snot from Alex's nose
- Trying to keep my emotions in check
- Having theological debates on FB with legalists who claimed my heart ain't in the right place if my behind isn't in CHURCH on Christmas morning.
- Having a dance/rock & roll/headbanging party complete with air guitar and fist pumping
It was a busy day, but the best one I've had since Monday night...when Alex spiked a fever of 103 that stayed til Wednesday WHILE suffering through an ear infection and lung congestion. I hated this week and the way it made my life just ooze out of me. I'm so tired it feels like I've been pummeled with Chuck Norris' fists. The stress of it triggered my BP which led to mood swings and a mental nosedive into a low. We won't even talk about the side of holiday blues that edged it's way onto the plate as well. (Me+ Holidays=Depression)
But I will talk about the fact that when I woke up yesterday, I felt strength I hadn't felt all week. It pulled me out of bed and helped me face the day...and Christmas. It helped me quietly shake off the stress of the week and live free. I was able to laugh and enjoy the shenanigans that come with parenthood. The reality of how different life is this Christmas still lingered, but I was able to avoid it's gaze and focus on the good stuff....
...like LOVE. That strength I felt when I woke up? It was love. I could feel it emanate from deep in the center of my heart and start to spread itself to every corner, every dark place inside of me. I read somewhere this week that Christmas originated out of a week long festival or celebratory season of light's victory over darkness. You know, the winter solstice stuff. While I choose to take this time of the year to celebrate the birth of my Savior, I can totally relate to celebrating light's beating the crap outta darkness. Who wouldn't? Yesterday that's what I felt: God's love for me shining bright and pushing back the darkness I had found myself in all week long. It enabled me to take care of myself yesterday (on Self-Love Saturday) , something I'd been unable to do all week.
Wherever your source of love & light comes from, I really hope it finds you and fights for you when you need it to this holiday season. The holidays are rough to get through, especially if you've lost a loved one, are living with an illness (mental or otherwise), or have a loved one who is. Take heart. Focus on love. Let it triumph over the darkness you're in. Allow it to lift and support you so you can TAKE CARE OF YOU....which will guarantee you can take care of those in need and those around you.
Spending Christmas single, and with my boys in two different houses definitely isn't my ideal way to celebrate....but at least I still have love to rejoice over, right? From God, from my children, from my friends and other family members....I still have love.
Is enough. My prayer is that it's enough for you as well.
I've been playing these two songs since yesterday, and they are definitely two of my favorites....
MERRY CHRISTMAS y'all.