MADE: I Want to be a Roller Derby Girl

It's been a rough 2-3 weeks. Things have been pretty heavy, and of course, that means things here on the blog have been heavy. I'm kinda weary of writing about the heavy things in my life, so today I thought it would be nice to take a break from that and spend my time writing about something else...something completely random...



Did you ever watch that show on MTV called "Made"?  The one where they take high school kids & young college kids and help them accomplish some secret desire of theirs?  No?  Here's a refresher:


MTV would come to your hometown and help you be "made" into something that your friends & family wouldn't expect, something you've always wanted to be but hadn't told anyone. For example, if you were a 10 grader who was into the goth scene,  but had a secret desire to be a beauty pageant queen, MTV would hook you up with a coach who was a beauty pageant veteran and they would "train" you for 30 days. At the end of the 30 days, you would compete in a beauty pageant to see how well you could do and really find out what it was like to be in one.

I used to watch this show religiously. Over the years, I watched nerdy guys be "made" into rappers, goth girls "made" into cheerleaders, non athletic kids "made" into volleyball players or skateboarders, shy guys "made" confident enough to ask out their dream girl,etc. What I enjoyed about the most was watching the growing process these kids would go through as they trained during those 30 days. It was always pretty inspiring to me, especially because you could see they really benefited from the experience and boosted their confidence in themselves. I know it was kinda corny, and maybe some of it was scripted (who knows) but I actually really liked it.

I even sent in a submission video when they had a casting call once, but I can't remember what I wanted to be. (and NO I don't a copy of the video!)

If I were to send one in now, I  know EXACTLY what I would want to be made into-I even think I put in on my Life List. Are you ready for this?

A Roller Derby Girl.

" I wanna be confident! I wanna be fearless! I wanna be a badass skater chic! I wanna be MADE into a Roller Derby Girl."

That would be the voice over  intro to my episode. Like it?

Why Roller Derby?  Watch and learn:


Seriously. Who wouldn't WANT to do this?  To take all of your frustrations, inhibitions, stress and whatever else and leave it all on the track? And get to tackle and hip check a few people in the process?

The only other sport I could really see myself being able to do this with would be football...but since I'm not a man, and they only seem to let women in lingerie play in leagues, I'd rather whip it around a track on a pair of skates and get my adrenaline-I-want-to-body-slam-someone-fix this way.

So I secretly want to be a Roller Derby Girl. Have a slick alias that's full of badass, "I am WOMAN hear me roar"-ness. What kind of name would I give myself? Hell if I know, but I'm sure after learning the ropes of Roller Derby I could find something that suits my personality on the track.

So what's stopping me from throwing on a pair of skates, attending a derby bootcamp, and trying out for a team?

I don't know how to roller skate.

You know those people you see at the rink who never leave the wall? The ones who crash into the wall instead of using their brakes? The ones who weeble and wobble until they bust their tail and clock themselves or someone else in the head with their skates?

That's me. I'm one of those people.

For years I've envied the people who fly around the rink dancing, beebopping, crisscrossing, spinning and weaving their way through the skater traffic that's peppered with kids and klutz's like me.  I've always tried to stay out of their way, secretly wishing I could dance-skate my way to my favorite grooves like they did.


But alas, when it comes to coordination, God didn't see fit to grant me the ability to be groovalicious or even graceful on wheels.

Not being able to be sure of myself on a set of wheels seriously undermines my confidence as well, which only makes me even more of a dunce on skates.

I can be a badass on my own two feet, but on skates? I think I'll just leave that to the professionals and the women who can whip it like no one's business. much as I would LOVE to be a Roller Derby Girl, I think I'll just settle for trying to cheer on the league here in Philly (shout out to the Philly Roller Girls! KICK SOME ASS THIS SUMMER! )and of course catching some matches when I move to Austin-the birthplace of Roller Derby Revival.

I won't get "made" into a Roller Derby Girl...but I do plan on being one hell of a fan :)

Would you ever try Roller Derby? What would your name be? What should mine be?