I'm sitting outside as I'm typing this. The air has begun to cool, and a soft breeze is sweeping past me as I sit on our front step. The sky is clear, the sun is lazily retreating to its home, the trees are freshly green, and I'm smiling as I remember the bluebonnets we passed earlier while driving to the mall. Spring is here. In Austin such gorgeous weather and comfortable temps only last a few weeks before Summer comes in all hot and sweating from head to toe, heat emanating from its core. It'll be 110 degrees out soon, but today there was a slow, delicious ride up to 81, and the sun-kissed my skin instead of scorching it. Glory.
The baby is inside sleeping soundly after a rough day of teething, cocooned cozily in his favorite blanket. I can hear the older two coming undone as they laugh to Tom & Jerry's classic antics. I paused from cleaning and prepping for the week ahead to just come out here and sit with my thoughts for a moment...and breathe...and soak in the emerging energy of the new season springing forth.
Mentally, I can feel the depression that's been slowly creeping up on me retreating a bit, giving me room to breathe in a bit deeper. This weekend had its stressful and triggering moments with the baby (his crying becomes intense and piercing quickly), but overall our weekend was peaceful.
Brennan had his second soccer game and I watched in awe from the sidelines as he came to life in ways I've only seen when he's singing, dancing, or his mind is a flight with creativity. I caught myself nodding in recognition as I watched him bound up and down the field-he feels free when he runs, just like I do. I can see it in the way his body stretches out and how effortlessly he embodies motion in each stride. He's clumsy when it comes to trying to get his hands and arms to do something like catch a ball, but he's fluid with his legs and feet-just like me. It caught me by surprise when he asked to sign up for soccer a couple of months back, but watching him on the field yesterday, I saw why he did-he's a natural and he loves the exertion and excitement.
Alex was all about his trains this weekend. His favorite the past two days has been Henry and Henry has been pulling all the cargo and tinders behind him at home, at the mall, in the van, at the soccer field. Alex was also all about being barefoot. He's been on a sock strike and extended it this weekend to footwear while playing out front and riding around in the car. Come to think of it, he even went without pants at one point yesterday, choosing to continue playing on the front step in nothing but his favorite Batman tee and underwear. Watching him run chase his trains and toy motorcycles in minimal clothing as they raced down the sidewalk in front of our apartment gave me the giggles. I remember feeling peace envelop my heart as I recognized how comfortable he felt in his environment, and considering how defensive and overwhelmed the world around him can cause him to be at times, I relished seeing his body at ease and freely allowing him to be, well, Alex the Great.
Bertski is home on vacation from work for the next week, which I'm relieved about. He's been moving slowly throughout his days, soaking in his free time. He signed up for the Statesman Cap 10k next week, which will make it his second year in a row running it. I'm excited for him. Running is his life next to coding and robotics. He NEEDS to run like I need to paint and write and have a good living room dance party. He woke up today in the mood to listen to hip-hop-both old and new. The first part of our morning was spent with Tupac, Public Enemy, J. Cole, & Nas-it was glorious. I'm so relieved I married a fellow music junkie.
I'm shipping paint this coming week. I took down the three pieces going to new homes, and felt my heart sob a bit as I started prepping them. Saying goodbye to my work is always bittersweet. I'm humbled and honored others want it to grace their spaces, but also torn over having to let them go and never see them on my walls again. I'm going to miss stopping during my day and looking at them, reflecting on the thoughts and emotions each one invokes. It's ok. I will make more. Letting go of them frees up space in and around me to make more. Besides, hoarding it all for myself in our tiny space is silly.
I've weaned the baby. He's now on a dairy and soy free formula and is enjoying his slow foray into solids, eagerly gobbling up rice cereal. Despite the fussiness in the afternoons, he's been incredibly happy; discovering his feet, babbling to his brothers as he watches them run and play, and laughing. His laugh releases something in me every time I hear it, and before I realize it, I'm laughing along with him and nibbling on his cheeks as he smiles. Even with the hard moments, this boy has been bliss. We are all madly in love with him, it's disgusting to see us fall all over ourselves fawning over him, eating him up. He is delicious. Goodness.
This breeze is everything. There's an uplifting energy to it, and as I skim back over what I've written as I've sat in its midst, I see I've written exactly what that energy feels like several times: FREE.
This weekend has been freeing for my little family in a variety of ways. Invigoratingly so.
Spring has sprung and so have we.
New season. New week.
Time to go back in.