Conversations

MOOD: Desperately Seeking to Break Out of This Cycle

When I open my eyes in the morning: "I'M GOING TO PAINT TODAY. I WILL be in the studio, to hell with everything else on my to-do list."

9am-7pm: *Do (Most/Some/A couple) All The Things on said to-do list*

7:30pm-8pm when the kids go to bed and I've crawled into mine: "I didn't paint today. #%!?$&@! And I only accomplished 2 out of 5,437 things on my to-do list. The studio is too messy. I didn't spend enough time with the kids. Shit-I left a load of laundry in the washer all day. I forgot to call Kaiser. I didn't order those supplies. Forgot to hit send on 5 text messages to friends, and respond to that email. Also forgot to sign that contract. I hope I got into bachelor completion program. WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I DID?! I wrote nothing today. Did Brennan take his meds? Wait-did I take mine? Why am I so tired? <insert random thought/worry/concern/guilt> WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!" *cue anxiety attack*

11pm: *scroll through Instagram one last time*

2am: "Damn that dream was odd as hell. Oh, the baby's in the bed with us now. What time is it? Why is Morris Day and The Time's "Jungle Love" stuck in my head? OMG THE SNORING. Don't check Facebook."

4am: "OMG I KNOW WHAT TO PAINT NEXT." 

7:00am: "I'M GOING TO PAINT TODAY. To hell with my to-do list, TODAY THERE WILL BE PAINT." 

Rinse and repeat for the last 2 weeks.  

Must. Paint. SOON. When I go too long without it, my mind and mood become untethered, un-centered. Gotta get anchored. (This is getting ridiculous, Life. Back off.) 

A Parking Lot Conversation

Scene: Target parking lot. 

Me: "OH- look at that mama with her baby-isn't that baby adorable?!"

Alex: "He is-look at his wittle face and baby toes! Baby toes! Mommie, we need to get that baby one day."

Me: "Uh, no, we can't just take other people's babies, sir. We can adopt a baby that needs a family, but we can't just go GET one that isn't ours."

Brennan: "Yeah, Alex, if we didn't adopt one, Mom would have to MAKE a baby, which is kinda gross-have you seen what babies look like when they come out? There's blood, and mucous, and a woman's insides all over it, because it was INSIDE of her. Like next to her ORGANS. It's so gross, but once you clean them up, and they lose the peeling skin, they're cute. Loud but cute."

Alex: "WHAT?! I don't want a poo-poo baby!"

Me: "Who said anything about poop?!"

Austin: *unleashes blood curdling scream, once again cementing his position as The Baby in the family and the last to ever come from THIS body*

End scene