Music that Moves

I Wish I Was Stronger...For Both of Us

"I can feel your pain, I can feel your struggleYou just wanna live, but everything so low That you could drown in a puddle That's why I gotta hold us up, yeah hold us up For all the times no one's ever spoke for us To every single time that they play this song You can say that that's what Bobby Ray wrote for us When the tides get too high And the sea up underneath get so deep And you feel like you're just another person Getting lost in the crowd, way up high in the nosebleeds Uh, because we've both been there, yeah, both of us But we still stand tall with our shoulders up And even though we always against the odds These are the things that've molded us And if life hadn't chosen us Sometimes I wonder where I would've wound up Cause if it was up to me, I'd make a new blueprint Than build it from the ground up.."

It hurts to watch the people you love and care about wrestle their way through the sh^t life throws in their face. I hate it. I try my best to be there for the people in my life who are grappling with life and trying to endure it's ugliness, even when I'm grappling and struggling to endure the ugliness myself.

It's especially hard for me to watch a loved one (friend or family) fight mental illness. It's hard for me because I know from experience how hard it is to fight for your life and well being when all you want to really do is give up...or at least give in for a little while. Sometimes I feel strong enough for others to lean on and gain strength & comfort from...but there are times when I feel helpless...when I wonder if my words and love are piercing through the armor of illness that surrounds their thoughts....when I wonder if I'm doing enough or do I need to do more...should I reach out and push or back off and just wait? Am I being empathetic? Am I allowing them to be vulnerable with me? Am I sitting in the darkness with them but still shining even the tiniest flame of hope?

It's hard to know sometimes...especially when you aren't afforded the chance to actually see the person face to face and you only have Facebook, Twitter, email, and text messages to say "Hey, you're not alone. You matter. I hear you, I know you're in pain. I'm here with you. You can get through this, you WILL get through this. I love you. You're beautiful. Don't give up."

When I'm in a really awful place, sometimes just having someone to sit next to me so I'm not alone with my thoughts helps. I hate that I can't sit next to some of you when you're in that place. It kills me.

When I heard this song today, I thought of you. I thought of where you're at and how helpless you feel in your fight to live...and I sang this for you, out loud with tears in my eyes and a prayer in my heart that you make it through this....and I vowed to remain in this fight with you, for however long it takes, until you win. Until we both win, because I'm not just fighting for you and I'm not just fighting for myself...I'm fighting to be stronger for both of us...for all of us. We're worth the fight...so let's not give up, okay?

 [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHeC1MoeDBo]

Music That Moves: Rend Collective Experiment, Gungor, Switchfoot, & Newsboys

Five songs that are inspiring me today to push through.  It's hard to hold on to your faith when you're bouncing like a pinball between mania and depression on a daily basis; but being able to believe in something bigger than myself pulls me through the chaos that clamors in my emotions and mind...It's the only thing that anchors me to this life.

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains;  it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." (C.S. Lewis)

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Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful... Hebrews 10:23

Music That Moves: Let Me Feel You Shine

This song literally had me jumping out of my chair to dance about 5 mins ago....my new battle song for when I'm in the low place and I don't know what to say to God...."If I could feel you shine your perpetual night, then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight...." YES YES YES!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMPVEmC4DRw]

This place is trying to break my belief  But my faith is bigger than all I can see  What I need is redemption  What I need is for You for to put me back on my feet 

Wha ah ooooh ooooh oooh  Wha ah ooooh ooooh ooh oh 

I swear I'm trying to give everything  But I feel I'm falling, oh make me believe  What I need is resurrection  What I need is for You to put me back on my feet 

Wha ah ooooh ooooh oooh  Wha ah ooooh ooooh ooh ohhh 

If I could feel You shine Your perpetual light  Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight  If I could feel You feel You shine  Oh let me feel yYou shine  So beautiful and warm  So beautiful and bright  Like a sun comin' out of a rainy sky  Oh let me feel You shine Oh,  Let me feel You shine 

I lift the knife to the thing I love most  Praying You'll come so I can have both  What I need is for You to touch me  What I need is for You to be the thing that I need 

Wha ah ooooh ooooh oooh  Wha ah ooooh ooooh ooh ohhh 

If I could feel You shine your perpetual light  Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight  If I could feel You feel You shine  Oh let me feel You shine  So beautiful and warm  So beautiful and bright  Like a sun comin' out of a rainy sky  Oh let me feel You shine  God I need a Savior  O come Generous King  O God I need a Savior  To come rescue me 

Oh let me feel You shine Your magnificent light  Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight  If You let me feel You feel You shine  Oh let me feel You shine  So beautiful and warm  So beautiful and bright  Like a sun comin' out of a rainy sky  Oh let me feel You shine 

Let me feel You shine  Let me feel You shine