Yesterday I was high. Not so high that I felt manic, but high enough to knock out a slew of errands and have a pretty productive day. I could feel them in the shadows, the hypomanic feelings "waiting in the wings" to see if a door would crack open they could slip through. No opening came and I was grateful for it. Today I'm low. A mix of severe PMS symptoms (UGH!) and meds have me tired, a step above lethargic. Its been hard to concentrate this week, but excruciatingly so today. Focus is off, and even though I enjoyed parts of my day with my boys, my spirit is quiet, a little sad, although I'm not 100% sure why. My ex kept asking me all day if I was ok, which signals to me that he can see a drastic change in my mood...swings.
Swinging moods. High. Low. High. Low. Swinging back...and forth...back...and forth...the cycling continues, the pendulum swings me from one extreme to its opposite, leaving me wanting like never before to rest in the middle. Just for awhile. God-please hear this small prayer I have tonight. Please help me get back to the middle.
Stable. Balance. Structure. Consistency. Rest. For me. For my boys. The middle.
I'll get there as long as You help me. This is something that can't possibly be done in and of my own strength. So I'm leaning on You. Putting my faith behind my works, my wellness plan, laying it all at Your feet so you can breathe life and strength into it. Into me.
Yes. I'll get there. (Sigh) But only by trusting in You and taking it moment by moment.