Today I sat down, brush in hand, colors spread put around me, and just stared at the canvas in front of me. I wanted to paint but my thoughts were too scattered to focus on a concept or any kind of intentionality. I closed my eyes and just sat there. Alex came and sat in my lap, and proudly began naming the colors he recognized. I dipped a brush in red, his favorite color at the moment, and handed it to him. Without saying a word, he snatched the brush from me and got to work covering the canvas in frenzied streaks of red. When he was finished, he said "RED!" did a little hop, dropped the brush and ran to his room with a smile on his face.
I know at some point I would like to work on developing intentionality, so that I'm better at communicating what I'm trying to say through my paintings. For now though, I'm realizing that I'm content to just pick up a brush and attack the canvas much like Alex did. I might have one thought I focus on or I might have nothing but emotions, and I like that. I think some of my best pieces have come from when I've turned down the volume on my reasoning and listened instead only to the emotions that were waiting to be acknowledged & allowed to speak. I can't always articulate what they are in words but on canvas, they pour out of me with each stroke; their voices speaking through each color and layer I apply.
If you were to ask me why I painted what I did today, I'd simply shrug & say I don't know. It's just what came out. They were directed purely by emotion, with no direct thoughts or intended meanings. They're simplistic & maybe look amateurish, but I'm okay with that. I'll get better with more practice and exploration.
The first one is untitled for now. I have to study it & "hear" what it's saying before I name it.
The second one? Well, I'm not sure, but when Bertski looked at it, he said it kind of reminded him of the early 80's and the New Wave music era...I laughed because I was born in '82...and I'll be 30 on Saturday...so maybe it represents that? Not sure but I thought it was a fun interpretation, considering how much I love music and the bright fashions from that time period.
So here they are. OH-in honor of said 30th birthday, I'm having a sale in my Etsy shop-all unreserved listings are 30% off now through Saturday. Stop by & have a look :)
I haven't posted anything about painting in awhile, and I think it's mostly because I haven't painted in nearly two, almost three months. I miss it...
I'm slightly worried that my passion for it and the creativity that drove me to paint in the first place has faded away...
I've been asking myself if it was all just a fleeting fancy-just some form of manic expression that isn't really...me.
Not sure if that makes sense...I wish I could articulate what I mean a lot better, but I've had two glasses of wine so articulation is swimming in Lake Moscato at the moment.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm a creative person who hasn't been able to create in a few months and I'm scared this particular form of creative expression has moved on and out of my life much like dancing has....which makes me incredibly sad.
I miss my paints, and having my colorful creations adorn my walls. I gave away & sold about 15 of them, but those I have left are still locked up in a storage unit back in PA....I miss the excitement that emanates all the way from my toes to my fingertips when I sit down in front of a blank canvas to paint. I miss the adrenaline rush of the creative process and how it leaves me pregnant with possibility.
Anyway, enough lamenting...I'll save the rest of this for a time when I'm less tipsy and a little less apt to talk about being impregnated by creativity.
I'll leave you with some videos of artists I found via YouTube who are helping me keep my love and passion for painting alive....trust me when I say they are worth taking the time to watch.
Painted last week. It was the perfect remedy for the migraine pounding in my head, and a much needed stress reliever from the week's frustrations & fatigue.
I painted three in a span of about 4 hours.
I find it hard to do just one....once I'm inspired I have to keep going until it runs out. It usually takes 2-4 small canvases for it to dissipate, leaving me exhausted and wanting to sleep.
The first one I painted was for a friend. She asked me months ago to paint a depiction of life before & after salvation. I honestly find it hard to paint something when it's someone else's idea-I usually just do it "in the moment," -it's not something I force-so it took me a long time and a lot of quiet reflecting to figure out how to do it. I kept waiting for inspiration or some thought to spark a sense of direction, and it didn't come until last week.
As I was laying in bed praying for my migraine to subside, a verse from 1 Peter chapter 4 came to me. It talks about love covering a multitude of sins. My mind immediately started thinking about redemption & salvation. To me, they both represent love-the love that drove Jesus to the cross to sacrifice himself for humanity. As I reflected on this, I started to see colors-I saw a strip of black being covered up with all kinds of bright colors, which I took to represent life, and red & white interspersed among them-In Christianity, red represents Jesus' blood and there's a verse in the Bible that talk's about his blood washing us "white as snow" when we receive salvation & are therefore redeemed.
Finally having my inspiration, I swallowed an excedrin, made the boys lunch, laid Alex down for a nap, and settled myself in my room with my paints and brushes spread out around me. I got to work, first painting half the canvas black. Once that was done, I sat for a few minutes wondering how I was going to take the image of the colors I had in my head and transfer it to the canvas in front of me. It was then I thought I'd try something I hadn't tried before-splattering the paint.
It's something I've seen on other paintings, but never knew how to create that look myself. Not really knowing what I was doing I just started by putting paint on the brush, dipping it in water & just flicking the brush at the canvas.
Splat. Dip. Splat. Dip. Splat.
Realizing it how fun & simple it was, I just started literally throwing paint at the canvas, covering myself & the wall in front of me in the process. I did this for about half an hour, stopping to pick different colors, watch the paint float & glide down the canvas, cover more spots, and about halfway through I stopped to take this
Still not feeling "done" I kept going until finally I had this
I put that one to the side and feeling inspired by what I had just done, I grabbed another canvas. No particular thought or meaning in mind, I just saw an arrangement of colors and slowly transferred what I saw in my mind to on the canvas.
As soon as I finished, another arrangement of colors came to mind and again, I grabbed yet another canvas and produced this
I really enjoyed painting like this. It was fun, and somehow very liberating. I posted these in Instagram, and my friend Lindsay mentioned an artist I'd never heard of before, Jackson Pollock. (my Art History game is better than it used to be thanks to 2 Lit & Art classes, but I still have a lot to learn)
Intrigued, a Google search led to about two hours of reading about him, abstract expressionism, his works, and falling in love with his "all-over" style of painting. His paintings? Gorgeous layers of colors twisting & turning in all directions. Needless to say, I'm now a fan :)
"On the floor I am more at ease, I feel nearer, more a part of the painting, since this way I can walk around in it, work from the four sides and be literally `in' the painting." -- Jackson Pollock, 1947.